Sanctifying Sexuality:
 As with all other aspects of life,
there is a Jewish way to approach sex, providing a focus and a level of meaning
even beyond the ecstatic, physical one.
Jewish tradition considers the sexual act to be extremely holy. Even sex undertaken
without thought to procreation, per se, is a sacred joining of flesh and
spirit in which the Godhead itself is understood to participate and become suffused
with joy.
The central Jewish practice concerning sex is the delineation of time when
sex is permissible and when it is prohibited, based on a women's menstrual cycle.
While a woman is menstruating a man is forbidden to have sexual relations with
her, according to the Bible (Lev. 18:19 and 20:18). Sexual relations are permitted
again after the woman herself in a special pool, the mikveh. (From the
Hebrew phrase, mivkah mayim hayim, a gathering of living waters). The
result is that a couple's sexual life is marked by periods of abstinence and
restraint.
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| First Person |
| One of the things I am truly
coming to love about Judaism is its cyclical nature, the way the passing of
time is marked from one Shabbat to the next, from sundown to sundown, from holiday
to holiday. As I learn more about Judaism and increasingly pay more attention
to its nuances I have become much more aware of the passage of time, changes
in the seasons, the lengthening and shortening of days. I am attracted to the
idea of keeping to the traditional rhythms of intimacy with my husband, to have
that time "built in" to our days and weeks.
--Melisa C[Approval Pending]. |
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It may help to understand this by thinking about some of the aspects of kashrut,
the rules of keeping kosher. According to the Torah, it is forbidden to seethe
a kid in its mother’s milk; it is forbidden to utilize a mothers milk, which represents
the very essence of loving sustenance, as an agent for the consumption of her
offspring -- representing the utmost cruelty and the utter confusion of categories.
Similarly, the Torah forbids the combination of sex, which can potentially
create life, and menstruation, the death of that potential life. Life and death
remain distinct. Each has its own power and mystery --a power we recognize when
we use rituals to mark transitions from "death" to "life."
The Jewish practice of sexuality asks that we be mindful of the tremendous
power of sexuality and procreation. It requires that we mark a time of separation
as well as a time for sexual union -- that we distinguish between our own potential
for creating life, from the death of that potential. The tradition invites our
monthly rebirth in "living waters."
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| First Person |
| When my oldest was 11, in
an Orthodox day school, they started Talmud with the family purity laws. It
was neat that the boys understood menstruation from a Jewish view point. There
was NO bra snapping in that school.
--Eleanor G. |
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The mikveh can be an actual gathering of "living waters" --
that is, a natural body like the ocean, a lake, a stream, a spring, or even
a a cistern of rainwater. Or, it can be a pool which combines such waters (generally,
rainwater) with ordinary well or tap water, in a manner specified by the rabbis
to preserve its nature as "living water."
The mikveh is a powerful symbol. In the Torah, immersion in such water
is part part of the ritual which transformed a person from a state of being
impure or taboo (tamei) to one of being pure or clear (tahor).*
As such, it marked the transition from death to rebirth.
The mikveh recalls the Garden of Eden, the source of all water. According
to tradition, one emerges from the mikveh one emerges as pure and clear
as the first man and woman created by God in Eden. The mikveh also symbolizes
a womb, a return to the original moment of birth.
mikveh has other uses in Jewish life. Many visit the mikveh before
the Sabbath or before Yom Kippur for spiritual purification. It is also used
in the ritual of conversion, and for brides (and sometimes grooms) before a
wedding.
In the last twenty years new mikveh rituals have been developed. For
instance, mikveh is at times used in healing rituals, after miscarriage,
illness, or trauma, such as rape or assault. It can also mark a move from sickness
to health, from trauma to healing, or from grief to acceptance.
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| Vocabulary |
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*Contrary to popular opinion the Biblical concept
of purity and impurity (tamei and tahor) are not about cleanliness
or pollution. The concepts are understood as "clear" and "murky"
or "taboo." The impure state of tamei had several causes: sexual
emissions; contact with dead bodies (animal and human); certain skin eruptions
(Biblical leprosy); mildew on clothes or buildings; and childbirth. | | . |
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According to Rabbinic tradition a woman counts at least five days for her
menstrual period. After she has ceased menstruating, she may then begin counting
an additional seven clean days.
Once she has counted seven clean days she immerses in a mikveh.
Nowadays there are women (usually non-Orthodox women) who want to observe
mikveh but feel that abstaining from sex twelve days a month (or more
--depending on the length of menstruation) is excessive. Many of them count
only seven days, including the days of menstruation, as the time for abstaining
from sexual relations.
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Before immersion, a woman must clean herself thoroughly. (The ritual of bathing
in a mikveh has nothing to do with dirt or cleanliness.) She must remove all jewelry,
nail polish, makeup, etcetera, so that there are no barriers between her and the
waters of the mikveh.
After dipping under the water so that she's completely submerged, she recites
the following blessing:
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melekh Ha-Olam Asher Kideshanu Be-Mitzvotav
Ve-Tzivanu Al Hatvilah.
Blessed are You God, Ruler of the Universe, Who has made us holy
through His commandments and commanded us concerning immersion.
She then immerses twice more and is considered physically and spiritually purified,
ready to resume sexual relations. There are different customs concerning how
many times a woman dunks in the mikveh. For instance, some groups of
Sephardic women dunk seven times.
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